Thursday, December 26, 2013

Sweet Sweet Revenge.

This is my analysis of people who read the last post:

1. Party animals: These people now are under the impression that runners are lamer than they even imagined. I sometimes fit into this category.

2. Runners: These people found the post more relatable than I originally intended. I'm glad I am not the only one married to training! 

3. Non runners who relate: Those whose job is their life. This would include coaches, doctors, and other overworked people. Or people whose job is some type of manual labor. 

4. People who now want to date a runner: This indicates a couple of alarming things. 1. Their life is very tame. And by "tame" I mean boring. 2. They are really really into running. More than profesh runners are. I call them Super Runners (or Trail runners--your choice). 

5.  Runners who were offended and/or don't understand: these jokers have no sense of humor

6. Friends and family: The only people in this category are the people I read the post outloud to . I would like to point out: My mom has not read one blog post!!

Everyone writes a post with the security that "at least I will have one reader, my mom" 

Nope.  Not Lucy Wright. And as punishment , I am going to post a diary excerpt  from my mom: 

 "10 obscure facts about myself--by Lucy Wright: 
1. when I was a born, my dad was in law school in Cincinnati. My mom worked at Goodwill. I needed a sitter so they left me with Ms. Jean, a 70 year old beer drinking, chain smoking gambler. She had one of these portable slot machines that she carried around
and she would take me from one apartment to the next so she could gamble, drink and smoke. My first word was "blackjack'. She used to let me have sips of her beer.

2. When I was 6, Tara Boone and I stole candy from the Handy Andy in Fairyland. When we got caught, I was so nervous that I peed on the Snickers I had hidden in my panties. The clerk told us to put it all back, and I did.

3. When I was in the 10th grade at GPS, we had a male teacher named Mr. Forde. He always sat on the corner of his desk. One day, I put on lipstick and kissed the corner where he sat. He came in and sat right on it and then stood to write on the chalkboard. He had a big lipstick kiss on the butt of his khakis. I denied it.

4. My boyfriend was a Baylor School border in the 10th grade. He moved back to Alabama for the 11th grade and I was heartbroken. The summer after 10th grade, I hopped a bus to Hunstville to go
see him and hitchhiked from the bus station to his house. When I got there I got picked up by a little man named Shorty and we drank beer and sang Ebony and Ivory together when it came on the radio. He dropped me off at my boyfriend's house and I passed out in the bushes until they found me and called my parents. I was in major trouble.

5. I went braless once to school as a senior and the principal made the school secretary take off her bra and give it to me so I could wear it.

6. I once got stuck in an elevator in NYC with Little Richard. He asked me how he looked and I told him he looked like crap.

7. I once represented this guy who got divorced in 1996, and married his ex wife's sister. He divorced her a few years later, and used me again as his lawyer. He then married his ex wives' mother and later divorced her, and chose me again as his lawyer. He had children with all 3 of them. I can diagram the family tree if you really want.
8. I have a phobia about firing people. I had a paralegal once named Fran from about 1999 to 2006, and I should have fired her about 3 days after she started. People used to stop me on the street and beg me to fire her.

9. I sometimes have these dreams that I call "paralyzed" dreams where I dream that I cannot move and I try to scream out for someone to move me. It feels like it lasts about an hour, and to this day I still do not know if I am actually awake and am paralyzed or asleep and dreaming the whole thing. This has happened for as long as I can remember, although it only happens a few times a year. It is horrible.

10. I could be the worst singer that ever lived, and I know it but I don't care. People sometimes think that I think I can actually sing. I like to act like I think I'm good at it."

sweet. sweet. revenge. 

I've got a post for those runner nerds to be posted tomorrow. Consider this a fluffer post. ;)

1 comment:

  1. Now I want to read your moms blog. Those are some great stories!