Why it is impossible to date as a professional distance
runner
Initial stages of relationship...
Guy: Can I buy you a drink?
Me: Yes! I would like a club soda with lemon.
Guy: Want to go out for drinks?
Me: Yes! Except I don’t really drink. And I have to get in
bed by 10 or so for a workout in the morning—so maybe something else instead?
Guy: What about coffee then?
Me: Yes! Except I can’t really get hopped on caffeine with a
10pm bedtime.
Guy: Want to go out to dinner?
Me: Of course! Except my metabolism went missing when I
turned 25, so I now have to kind of be careful as to what I eat. Sucky, I know.
How do you feel about sticking to my DIEt? Did you know beets help your VO2 Max
AND taste like dirt?
Guy: Want to go out dancing?
Me: I looooove dancing! But my Achilles has been on the
fritz lately, is there anyway to dance without moving my legs?
Guy: You said you like hiking?
Me: I love hiking and outdoors. Mostly from September-
November. The other part of the year I can run on trails outside, but I don’t
like to do a whole lot of physical activity outside of my scheduled physical
activity (practice).
Guy: Need a cigarette?
Me: Oh, you smoke. You're cool and all, but this is not going to work, sorry.
If by some miracle, I manage to actually make it past the
first date….
Me: Want to meet my friends? They are very cool. They don’t
drink or go out, but they do enjoy board games. Oh and they will probably want
to be home by 9 or so. Catan from 7-9pm. Oh, and our conversations will
probably be based entirely around numbers, times, biomechanical issues and
other runners.
Typical
runner conversation: My glutes were so tight, but I managed to run 8
4s in 66 with 2 min recovery. Katie killed it though! She averaged 63s even after 2 weeks of cross training.
Me: Hey hun. I know we were watching Breaking Bad together,
but I accidently finished season 2 today while you were at work. I’m so sorry.
I couldn’t help it, and I thought I could lie about watching it without you.
Me: Hey babe. My calves and feet are so tight. Can you give
me a massage? I’ll critique you while you do it! You’ll be great. Even if you
aren’t great, I will probably insist that you give my legs a massage multiple
times a week. Isn’t that wonderful!?
Me: Hey cutie pie, you want to watch a movie tonight. I have trouble
not falling asleep though. I’ll probably just watch 15 minutes of the movie,
and you can finish it and fill me in! I want to pick the movie!
The long term problems…
Me: Hey baby. I have to go to Europe for 3 months for my
job. I won’t be able to call you a lot, and the time change will make it
virtually impossible to actually interact with you except via twitter. I will
be surrounded by fit 23-30 year olds who all have the same interests and
lifestyle as myself. But no need to worry! I’ll see you in September!
Me: Hey sugar. So I need to move next month because a really great
training group is forming 2000 miles away. I like you, so if you want to uproot
your life plan and follow me, that’d be great!
I can't relate to all of these still being a collegiate athlete, but the things that I can relate to are spot on! Excellent depiction of the runner dating struggles lol.
ReplyDeleteI was laughing so hard I was almost crying! That was fantastic!
ReplyDeleteThis may be the greatest thing I have read all year!
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious and thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThis is great. :)
ReplyDeleteSo true but very creative and entertaining way to express it…..one problem, wheres the solution section?! :(
ReplyDeletenot sure if funny or sad. the perspective of the other side might be cringeworthy.
ReplyDeleteIf you can find a guy who doesn't like you all that much, you'd be perfect for each other! :-) Funny stuff. All the best, and Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteSo..... what if you are on the other side of that and are OK with all of this (also a runner... but not elite)
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